Lemonades

april 2005, supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life, coming back home and all, but unfortunately, life is throwing lemons at me. not that i'm totally surprised, to be honest its just the earlier fears substantiating. the unfolding of the supressed intuition. yes it hurts. of course it does, but at the same time liberating. many pieces clicked to their proper places, from the Life is Like a Boat thing to the poignant thoughts that came unbidden as i lay half-awake in the Bantayan Island hotel room, with the early morning sun streaming in thru the window. (i became fully awake later and couldn't go back to sleep. and since nobody else was already up, i went down to the beach by myself and took pictures of the sunrise and the boats along the shore).

sometimes, when it hurts so bad, the best way to feel better is to be kind, to be good in spite of everything. taking it easy on yourself and always looking at the good side of things, including the person who hurt you. im not making a martyr out of myself, its just that i think turning to hate and grudge is a complete waste of time and energy. its like twisting the knife stabbed at you while it is still stuck at your ribcage.

however, the gloom doesn't always bring all-out despair. for when it is dark enough, you could see the stars. and now i see my friends shining at their best. the skinny girl who forced me to watch movies and eat sweets, the self-confessed English-vocabulary-challenged girl who sent me methapors (thats her words, not mine.hehehe!), the ate who sat and laughed with me at the Coffee Beanery, and the ever-glaring spirited wretch who sent me back my text messages for her 5 years ago when she broke up with somebody, thinking that one day i'll be the one who'll need them. (actually i didn't "understand" everything i sent her, but that was the best i could manage at that time. hehe. couldn't believe she kept everything in a notepad, complete with the date and time i sent each sms). its amazing that in painful times, you come to appreciate the good things in life more. your love for the people that matters to you keeps you going, through all the dejection and feelings of unworthiness.

my hands now are full in trying to make lemonades. to the peole who are with me sharing the lemonades, laughing at life, thank you and i love you. when it's your turn, i'll bring some tequila and salt. >:D<