Living by 3 months

i believe we always learn something every day of our lives, conciously or unconciously. (well, maybe except if you spent a certain day being a couch potato or anything like it). sometimes, we try to take a look at our lives and catalog the different phases we go through. some phases are dreary and dragging that you'd think they're complete waste of time, while some are so profound and moving that make you cry, and then there are the times that really suck that you would wonder if maybe you have inadvertently stepped a Nuno sa punso or bumped a dwende that's why you are chronically jinxed.

i'm not sure how to call mine as of the moment. "growing-up" doesn't seem to fit anymore, i think it's for teens and i'd like to consider myself as a "grown-up" adult. "getting-old" won't do either, and besides, it's quite scary.

so far i've lived my life this year 3 months at a time. 3 months or so thinking i was in love and life couldn't get any better, then suddenly 3 months of sucking at everything followed by 3 months of sulking, wallowing, and being frustrated. i'm about to start the final 3 months of this year with fingers crossed, having no idea what will happen next. i have a gut feeling it's going to be 'something'.

to be honest, i've learned a lot, more than i am willing to admit. i'm still denying some profound lessons because if i do acknowlege them, some hurts and pains will be justified, like i was purposedly hurt in order to learn. maybe i just haven't forgiven everything, nor accepted some truths of life.

does learning have to come with such a high price? or am i just so dense i need to hit rock bottom before i get the lesson?