The 4th Quarter

i have a costly apartment but i feel like a bum, planning ahead whose house shall i crash to sleep on the following nights. since the time i stepped into our apartment the other day, the things all in clutter and MY ELECTRONIC GADGETS GONE, I'd been in a constant state of paranoia. from the moment it hit me that one of my worst fears actually came true, shock, fear and denial got all mixed up leaving me shaking and desperately hoping it was all a bad dream. but no, the thieves really broke our window and forcibly tried prying the door open. i like think of myself as brave and independent, but hell, now i'm scared witless. it's still a week since i got back from another country and alone in our pad and the idea that some people had been watching my going and coming in my house is so infuriating.

rough list of stuffs lost:

- IBM T41 notebookPortable HDs - 80G, 30G (along with my unprinted pictures - 2 years worth of memories)
- Sony T1 digicam, 256mb Sony Memstick Duo, spare battery
- Tripod
- USB extension ports
- MD Player
- Creative MuvoTX FM - 512mb
- Optical mouse
- Headsets (2)
- Sony speakers (1 set)
- Wristwatches (4)
- Jewelries (most of those were gifts huhuhu)
- Timberland backpack (realy a trustworthy backpack)
- Original CDs and DVDs (my favorites among my favorites)
- NimH rechargeable batteries, with the charger (for the mp3 player)
- Leather belt (the blasted thief left me with a replacement fake designer leather belt, gross!)
- Lacoste sneakers
- Lancome Juicy Tubes (i haven't even opened that one)
- Swimming googles
- assorted gifts (gifts i prepared and already wrapped to give to some friends)
- Disneyland ballpens, souvenir key chains
- my office key and office drawer key (what the hell are they going to do with that)
- other stuffs from my roommate's room

i know all those things are replaceabe, but jeez, it's not as if they just dropped from the sky one morning and all i did was just spread my arms to catch them. those were paid in full by hard work, thank you very much. there were things i had to give up to acquire those. it's the effort i banked on for those stuffs that is irreplaceable. i feel hurt and violated, having my sacrifices disrespected like that. it's going to be hard forgiving those filthy hands which scrambled my underwear drawer leaving some undies lying on the floor. GGRRRR!
still, i'm alone at home on a monday afternoon, scared and seething, waiting for the lousy police investigator (who's making me wait since yesterday) and the carpenter the apartment owner supposedly will send over to fix the window ("the best they could do", they said. well, burn them with the thieves!). i'm so sleepy but i'm afraid to take a nap, i don't ever wan't to be in a more vulnerable state than i already am inside this apartment. i ought to take a shower too, but i'm too paranoid to lock myself in the bathroom.



i'm sooo tired... tired of picking myself up every after mishap. what more do i have to endure for all these to end. why does everytime i rise to the surface i just get pushed back down again. did i see this coming? was i expecting misfortunes so much that i conjure them to become real? did i jinx myself?

i'm writing this blog on a stationery. where's my laptop!!!

little by little, the shock wears off to be replaced by sadness. and just like a few months back, i've got to live one day at a time..again.
..maybe i should start forwarding those annoying chain emails that threatens you some bad luck for 10 years if the email doesn't leave your inbox in the next 15 minutes... you know, just in case they really do work...

this is so pathetic...